The Second Coming

British author John Niven’s third novel is the satirical 2011 work The Second Coming, which is plotted around the conceit of Jesus Christ’s return to our modern world. Taking as his targets the racism, misogyny, and other bigotries of people who are ostensibly Christians, the novel follows JC’s return, his new circle of downtrodden followers, and his attempts to share with the world the most important commandment: Be Nice. The novel created a measure of controversy on its publication but has been generally well-received by critics.

As the novel opens, we learn that sometime in the middle of the seventeenth century, to reward himself with a bit self-care, God took a break and went off for a fishing trip, leaving Jesus to handle Earth business. Since time flows differently in Heaven, by the time God gets back, it is the early twenty-first century. He is shocked to discover that the world has gone haywire: genocide, starvation, people obsessed with vacuous celebrity culture. And the worst thing of all, “God points out, ‘there are fucking Christians everywhere.’”

This rude observation serves to introduce us to Niven’s version of God: a chill deity who enjoys the LGBT community, cannabis, and swearing and who absolutely detests organized religion of any kind. His Heaven is a welcoming, loving place where the suicides, the damaged, and the lost find peace, and which doesn’t allow in a single fundamentalist Christian. This God is a kind of Heavenly CEO – a natural-born leader who has no need for people to worship him (since he is already all-powerful).



Satan has a similar businessman vibe – he is like “the boss of an opposing company.” However, while Niven’s Heaven dispenses with familiar imagery, his Hell is as literal as possible, a cross between Dante and Bosch where gruesomely ironic physical torture is standard daily fare. Here, homophobes experience endless anal rape while Hitler works as a waiter in a Jewish restaurant. It is peopled by fundamentalists, politicians, and investment bankers; the punishment of the founder of the KKK is so disturbing that even Satan won’t reveal its details.

God has tried his best to get his main message, “Be Nice,” adopted by humankind. Nevertheless, something has been lost in the translation several times over the centuries. At first, “Be Nice” was interpreted as the heavy-handed and clumsy ten commandments of the Old Testament. Then it was misread once again as a message of rebellion and led to the crucifixion of Jesus.

After a board meeting with his senior saints, God decides that he should try once again to fix the humans. They agree to try sending the kid back into the mix. At first, Jesus isn’t too keen on going back down to Earth. He is having too good a time playing guitar with Jimi Hendrix and getting stoned.



Nonetheless, he is reborn as a thirty-one-year-old JC, “a struggling musician in New York City helping people as best as he can.” At first, he ministers to the dispossessed around him one by one, gaining followers who range from addicts to the mentally ill, to a homeless Vietnam War vet, to a young gay man living with HIV whom JC saves from “the clutches of a group of religious nuts who consider him an abomination.” Soon, though, JC realizes that he needs a bigger stage from which to spread the Be Nice message – maybe the national stage of a popular TV talent show called “American Pop Star” (a riff on real-life shows like “American Idol”).

Crossing the country in a beat up bus with his disciples, JC aces the show’s audition. What he doesn’t realize is that the show is run by Steven Stelfox, a monstrously evil English record executive with more than a few things in common with the real-life Simon Cowell. The two clash right away, engaging in long discussions about their contrasting worldviews. In the meantime, JC’s music, charisma, and message of inclusivity and hope make him the show’s breakout star. The show’s ratings soar, and it’s clear that JC is on his way to winning the competition until Stelfox finds a way to sabotage his success. JC is forced to leave the show; nevertheless, he “becomes one of the biggest names in the music industry.”

A year later, JC has created a commune that shares many features in common with the Heaven we’ve already seen. Everyone is welcome, no one is judged. Instead, the commune is a place of safety for outcasts. Never perfect, it is filled with people whose goal is to help themselves and each other live according to the Be Nice precept. JC is on top of the world. About to release his album, he has developed meaningful friendships with his followers.



However, as the book has been hinting at all along, the fate of this version of JC is very similar to that of his Biblical original. Alarmed by the growing community and its seeming rejection of American greed and capitalism, the US government sends in a team of Special Forces soldiers to bring “order.” These troops panic when they encounter happy people cultivating fields and smoking pot, opening indiscriminate fire on men, women, and children. They destroy the commune and kill many people – including, of course, JC himself. JC ascends to Heaven, once again at the age of thirty-three.

The novel ends on the hopeful note that JC’s mission wasn’t a total loss. Instead, his actions, kindness, and resurrection turn many people into “Be Nice” believers – a disorganized religion identified by injection needles instead of crosses.