The Rules Do Not Apply

The Rules Do Not Apply is a memoir by Ariel Levy, a lonely child raised to resist societal norms, setting her on a path of resistance from an early age.

Levy launches straight into the debut of her career at New York Magazine, where she works as a typist. She makes it a point to work on her own writing, determined not to allow her mundane day job to permeate her sense of self and the talent of which she is so certain. From a young age, Levy is determined to be a writer and the type of woman who does what she wants, when she wants.

This desire conflicts with the concept of motherhood that plagues her and her friend group as they move into their 30s. Levy wonders whether succumbing to motherhood would mean giving up the role of protagonist in her own life, worrying that attaching herself to a child would mean giving up her life of travel and adventure, the very essence of who she is, though she admits that becoming a mother would be an adventure in itself. This leads her to examine the limitations of womanhood and femininity, and what is expected of modern women.



Levy reflects on the role her mother has played in shaping her perceptions of a woman’s place and responsibilities in the world. Growing up, Levy’s mother, a very health-conscious woman, made it a point to cook balanced meals for her family every night. She instills in her daughter the importance of being self-reliant, of making her own money, and never depending on a man to support her.

During a citywide blackout, Levy makes an acquaintance that changes her life forever. After being invited over to a friend’s house, she meets Lucy, whom she feels she has been searching for her entire life. Older and ambitious, she is certain that they are perfectly suited to one another. The only problem is that Lucy is already in a serious relationship with a live-in partner. Over time, Levy and Lucy’s relationship develops to the point that the other woman becomes a non-issue. Levy feels that their love is far more legitimate than the relationship between Lucy and her partner, given that they clearly were not happy together.

Lucy eventually decides to end her other relationship, and she and Levy take road trips down the West Coast, drinking and celebrating their love. Levy and Lucy proceed to live life to its fullest, every experience feeling richer as they share it together. When gay marriage becomes legalized, they plan a wedding, discussing the future of their relationship. Levy refers to their wedding day as one of the few perfect days of her life. The two women spend an evening together planning their life and their goals for their future together.



When she turns thirty-five, Levy starts to feel the pressure to become a mother, hearing the tick of her own biological clock. As all of her friends have children, she worries that she will be left behind, though witnessing some of her friends’ struggle with fertility puts a slight damper on the fantasy. Then, Levy finds herself reunited with an old lover who has transitioned into a man. They begin an illicit affair, leaving Levy plagued with guilt and feeling impossibly trapped between two worlds. She cannot imagine abandoning her best friend, and yet, she cannot conceive of a life without the passion she finds with this lover.

Meanwhile, Lucy is facing her own demons in the form of alcoholism. After Levy’s affair comes to an abrupt end, and Lucy sobers up, they decide it’s time to try to have children. Levy becomes pregnant and is overjoyed by the experience of carrying a child, in spite of the frequent discomfort. They learn that they are having a baby boy. After a few months, deciding that she will go on with life as normal, Levy takes an assignment that requires her to travel to Mongolia. Once again, Levy strives to maintain her independence, determined not to allow pregnancy to derail her career. However, while on assignment, she starts to feel that something is terribly wrong. She ends up giving birth to her son in the bathroom of her hotel room. He is so premature there is no chance of his survival. This incident rocks Levy to her core, and she struggles to come to terms with the fact that her baby boy is gone.

Upon returning home, she finds that Lucy has been drinking. This results in the unraveling of their relationship. Levy is devastated that she has lost her baby as well as her wife. She mourns the fact that nearing the end of her childbearing years, she is alone.



Towards the end of the memoir, Levy receives an email from the doctor who helped her through her miscarriage in Mongolia; she finds it healing to communicate with someone who was there during the event. She begins to feel hopeful about the future, unsure of what it will bring but looking forward to finding out.