This chapter contains twelve sections illustrating different points of Sedaris’s artistic career:

One: Gretchen, Sedaris’s sister, exhibits true artistic ability in her youth that inspires the rest of the family to take on artistic projects that are ultimately short-lived. Sedaris is influenced as well although his efforts leave little to be desired.

Two: Sedaris is too distracted by visions of fame and male nude models to truly devote himself to his art. He enrolls in art classes, but none of his efforts seem to match his sister’s abilities and accolades, which he deeply envies.

Three: Entering art school, Sedaris tries out different artistic media from printmaking to pottery, seeming to fail at each one. To indulge him, his mother keeps his pottery around the house. Sedaris recalls the day the cat chipped his tooth on the pottery, avoiding it ever since. Even the lowest animals lack interest in his work.

Four: Sedaris transfers colleges, going from lithography to clay modeling before quitting altogether to fall in with a group of filmmakers. He takes up smoking pot and drops out of college.

Five: Sedaris discovers methamphetamine at the same time as conceptual art, finding the two go well together. While conceptual art gives him a way to be creative without the precision of artistic talent that he lacks, meth gives him energy and an inflated sense of his own genius.