No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America

No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black & Free in America is a 2019 memoir by African-American author Darnell L. Moore. It chronicles his difficult experiences growing up as a queer, black boy in Camden, New Jersey, reflecting on how the most formative moments contributed to his identity. Moore is scathingly critical of racism, sexism, economic inequality, and other systemic forms of oppression that threaten to suffocate black lives in America; at the same time, he validates black people’s abilities to rise again and again when they are knocked down. Though Moore came of age in the 1980s and early 1990s, he observes black children today who are burdened by the same seemingly relentless and inexorable injustices. No Ashes in the Fire is sympathetic toward the struggles of black people, showing that their stories are all interconnected even though they often feel that they suffer alone. For its blunt portrayal and rebuke of white nationalism and its effects, moral failures within the black community, and its ultimate endorsement of hope and compassion, the memoir has been highlighted as one of its decade’s most timely literary interventions.

No Ashes in the Fire takes its name from a traumatizing experience in Moore’s childhood. When he was fourteen, while walking home from school, a trio of white boys from his neighborhood attacked him. They threw gasoline on him and attempted to set him on fire; luckily, it was windy, and their matches failed to light. Moore’s aunt noticed the assault and came to Moore’s rescue before the boys could go further. Moore recalls the event as the first time he was attacked for being perceived as gay. Unfortunately, it was not the only time an attempt would be made on his life.

Moore was born in Camden to teenage parents. His family relied on a combination of unreliable, poverty-wage employment and government welfare to survive. Given the harsh conditions that surrounded him as he grew up, he finds it frustratingly logical and infuriating that black people and their communities struggle with crime, poverty, neglect, and abuse. He has witnessed many times the effects of mass incarceration and the so-called War on Drugs that functions mainly as a tool for implementing the systemic re-criminalization of black people. Atop all of the struggles of growing up black, he was also queer. Queerness is looked down upon even in many black communities, due to myriad misperceptions about it being a choice or a signal of self-hatred. Moore was brave enough to explore his sexuality in spite of the cloud of oppression and the HIV/AIDS epidemic that raged throughout the world at the time. Being gay was, therefore, tantamount to a death sentence for multiple reasons.



Moore regrets that he was, at times, excluded by black as well as white America due to his queerness. His classmates shunned him, and even his church preached against the very core of his existence. In high school, he tried to hide his queer identity beneath an artificial layer of masculinity, but always admired the courage of proud queer people he saw around him. When Moore was old enough, he sought to escape the intolerance around him by leaving Camden. He quickly learned that intolerance transcends the bounds of any city; violence and injustice against black and queer people are, undeniably, part of America’s fabric.

Luckily, Darnell came to political consciousness and seized personal agency in a way many black and queer people do not. He excelled in college at Seton Hall University and began to embrace his sexuality while grounding his identity in spiritual growth. Later, he started to teach. Not long before the Black Lives Matter movement, after a young queer woman was murdered in Newark, Moore joined the public protests, realizing he could use his experiences, identity, and voice as forces for political change. At the end of his memoir, Moore revisits the moment when he came out to his mother. At first, he was unable to get the words out, and she feared that he might have a life-threatening illness. When he told her that he had a boyfriend, she sighed with relief. She had known all along and was always waiting to accept him when he was ready to let her know. Moore recalls this moment as one of the most “healing” moments of his life, a spiritual experience more profound than any he ever felt in the church.

No Ashes in the Fire validates all black and queer identities as intrinsically valid and real. Its title and content resonate with, but ultimately subvert, the myth of the phoenix. Moore shows that not a single oppressed soul is ever ground into ash; rather, one always remains whole, powerful, and worthy of love.