Lives Other Than My Own

Lives Other Than My Own: A Memoir (2009) is a cultural memoir by Emmanuel Carrère. In the book, Carrère explores the aftermath of a devastating tsunami, and he considers how families can recover from the depths of their loss and pain. Critics praise the memoir for portraying the grim realities of tragedy and exploring the role of human compassion in trauma recovery. Carrère is a director, screenwriter, and author. His mother was a prominent French historian, and his cousin is a philosopher. Best known for creating genre-bending, original work, many of his books are now motion pictures.

Lives Other Than My Own begins on Christmas 2004. Carrère and his partner, Hélène, are staying at the Hotel Eva Lanka in Tangalle, Sri Lanka. They decide that they will separate after the holidays because they don’t love each other anymore. Knowing that the relationship isn’t working, they plan to remain friends.

Reflecting on how amazing Hélène is, Carrère wishes things were different. He knows that she will find someone else, whereas he expects he will grow old alone. Unable to believe how far they’ve drifted apart, he is convinced that this is the last vacation they will go on together. Hélène, meanwhile, has other concerns.



Hélène’s sister, Juliette, has a pulmonary embolism. The doctors don’t know if she will make it out of the hospital. Hélène wants to go home, but the vacation isn’t over yet, and they can’t get a flight back to France. Carrère wishes that there was more he could do for his partner, but she won’t talk to him about how she is feeling. The realization that the relationship is truly over breaks his heart.

Carrère doesn’t dwell on his feelings for long, because tragedy strikes. On December 26th, 2004, a tsunami tears across the area, decimating everything in its path. Staying in a hotel on a cliff, Carrère and his family escape the worst of the damage. Their friends in the local village of Tangalla, however, are not so lucky.

Carrère ventures out and speaks with a French couple, Jerome and Delphine who are looking for their young daughter, also called Juliette. They can’t find her anywhere on the beach. As it turns out, she has been swept out to sea, and there is nothing more they can do for her. Carrère explores the depths of their grief and what it means for them to lose their daughter. He explores the aftermath, including how her father must identify Juliette from a sea of decomposing corpses brought in from the ocean.



Over a five-day period, Carrère meets many families enduring similar fates. For example, he meets Ruth, a woman who refuses to leave the local hospital until she finds her husband. Carrère doesn’t want to tell Ruth that it’s unlikely she will ever see him again, because clinging to hope is all she has. Carrère contrasts the gravity of tragedy against how untouched his own hotel is—it is so far removed from the devastation that tourists still use the swimming pool.

Finally, Carrère and Hélène return home to France. First, they visit Hélène’s sister in the hospital. Only 33 years old, she is dying from cancer. She has fought cancer before, but this time, it’s terminal. Devastated, Hélène turns to Carrère for emotional support. The Sri Lankan tsunami brought them closer again.

Carrère reflects on how Juliette’s family will cope after her death. Her husband, Patrice, can’t deal with the loss. He doesn’t know how he will carry on without her. Carrère plans to support Juliette’s husband and their young children through the loss. Families should always come together in tragic times, and now, the family needs him.



Carrère describes Juliette’s final weeks in some detail. He talks about how meticulously she plans her funeral, and how carefully she appoints different family members to handle aspects of her affairs. She asks her friends to take many pictures of her, because her youngest daughter, Diane, is too young to remember her face otherwise. Carrère compares the stark reality of death against the hopefulness of new life.

After Juliette’s death, he asks her work colleagues more about her life. Juliette was a highly respected local judge who defended the rights of the poor and the helpless. She had many allies, including her colleague, Etienne, who is a cancer survivor. At 22, he lost a limb, and the experience brought him closer to Juliette. Everyone talks about Juliette’s fierce, fighting spirit, and her determination to see justice done.

Carrère reflects on what these experiences of life and death have taught him. He focuses particularly on cancer, and what it means to have a terminal illness. He wonders if, somehow, terminal illness can be caused by lifelong happiness, which critics claim is the most controversial part of his book because it sounds like victim-shaming.