How to Be a Woman

In her memoir, How to Be a Woman (2011), British journalist and music critic Caitlin Moran discusses her growth from a girl into a woman, documenting events from her life between her teens and early thirties. She also discusses her views on feminism and womanhood.

Caitlin begins with a story from when she was thirteen and a group of neighborhood boys tormented her for her androgynous appearance and style of dress. Though it upsets her, she quickly bounces back from the experience and celebrates her birthday. She reflects that no one in her family taught her about the changes she would go through during puberty or how to act like a woman. Her mother refuses to discuss menstruation with her, leading to health problems when Caitlin’s first period lasts for three straight months.

Puberty also brings a burgeoning sex drive, which Caitlin indulges by checking out salacious novels from the library. She prefers her way of learning about sex to the way modern teenagers do, finding everything and anything they can imagine easily on the Internet. Caitlin argues that modern pornography is almost exclusively focused on male pleasure, and she would like to see more porn made by and for women.



Caitlin’s teenage years are full of learning experiences. Her mother does not offer much guidance, and so Caitlin learns how to dress like an adult and interact with the opposite sex mostly on her own. She bonds with her older sister, Caz, over their changing bodies and the difficulty of finding good terms for female body parts.

When she is sixteen, Caitlin gets a job with Melody Maker magazine. All the other employees in the office are men who are considerably older than she. Though they like her and support her career, Caitlin is aware of sexism directed at her for the first time. While living in London, she is determined to explore her sexuality, until word of her flirting gets back to the men in the office.

Caitlin also struggles with her weight. She discusses the shame associated with eating disorders and how they are treated differently from drug addictions. She encourages women to talk openly about their issues with food in order to destigmatize the topic.



After entering the working world, Caitlin finds that sexism is insidious and constant, even though most men don’t mean it. Stories from her friends and Twitter followers support this view. Melody Maker wants to showcase more female artists, but Caitlin agrees that there is simply not enough quality work by women. She realizes that in many ways women are not equal and not afforded as many opportunities as men are. Catlin and her gay friend, Charlie, are both irritated that female and gay figures in the media are often written by straight men.

Caitlin begins dating Courtney, a musician. She adores him even though he is hypercritical of her and not invested in their relationship. Courtney’s band is not going anywhere because he is lazy and entitled. Discovering that Courtney is only dating her to make career connections, Caitlin breaks up with him. Even then, Courtney refuses to leave since he is living in Caitlin’s house rent-free. Caz visits and calls Courtney out on his bad behavior. Caitlin is at first embarrassed, but the next time Courtney is rude to her, she forces him to move out.

After leaving Courtney, Caitlin dates and eventually marries a coworker, Pete. The wedding causes her to rethink her opinion on weddings in general. She thinks that women do themselves a disservice by setting such high expectations for their weddings. Caitlin argues that spending thousands of dollars on a single event is a needless expense, and presenting weddings as the highlight of a woman’s life makes it seems that women’s ambitions are small.



Soon after, Caitlin gives birth to her first child. Her mother had eight children and suffered from health problems related to the births. Nervous, Caitlin makes an elaborate birth plan. However, when the time to deliver comes, the labor goes poorly, and it takes three days to give birth to her daughter. Caitlin explains that the painful experience taught her not to micro-manage or sweat the small stuff.

After giving birth to another daughter, Caitlin finds out that she is pregnant with a third child. Though she has always wanted a son, she and her husband decide that the family is not ready for a third child and Caitlin should get an abortion. Caitlin thinks that there should not be a stigma attached to the process. After her abortion, she is relieved she does not feel any sense of guilt or regret.

At the end of the book, Caitlin is thirty-five. She thinks about the various ways she has aged and how her body has changed. She considers plastic surgery but rejects it. Wondering if she has finally learned how to be a woman, she decides that she is happy with her female experience. She refuses to point out her flaws or adopt a self-deprecating position.