Desdemona, Twelve Going on Desperate

Published in 1986, Desdemona, Twelve Going on Desperate is a humorous novel for children and middle-grade readers by Beverly Keller. The story follows a comically challenging weekend in the life of twelve-and-a-half-year-old Desdemona “Dez” Blank as she endures the social agony of starting junior high school in a new community and the embarrassing exploits of her younger brother and sister. As Dez copes with each awkward moment, she gains self-confidence in her identity, sorts out her feelings about her absent mother, and expands her understanding of friendship. Desdemona, Twelve Going on Desperate is Keller’s second novel featuring Dez and her family, following No Beasts! No Children!

The first-person narrator of the story, Dez shares that she is self-conscious and anxious about fitting in at her new junior high. All the girls at school have known each other for years, but Dez is new in town and an outsider. Dez doesn’t want to do anything that would bring herself unwanted attention. She is hyper-aware that as a “preteener,” she is at an age “when merely being seen in the wrong cut of jeans can ruin you socially.” Dez crushes on fifteen-year-old Mike Harbinger, a six-foot-tall honor roll student and sports star who has never worn braces or even had a pimple.

Dez and her psychologist father, the kindergarten-age twins, Antony and Aida, and their three dogs live in a rented house a few blocks outside of the nicer part of town. Mrs. Farisee is their no-nonsense, but devoted housekeeper. Eleven-year-old Sherman Grove, their landlord’s son, is Dez’s best, and only friend. Sherman is a loner, and some think he’s a wimp, but Sherman is brilliant at science and at reading people. Dez’s dad calls Sherman a “gentle soul” and chides Dez for criticizing wimps, saying, “If we’re luckier than we deserve, wimps grow up to produce harmless and dazzling technologies or theories or cures, and all the jocks and cheerleaders who ignored them pretend they were their best friends in school.” But being best friends with Sherman doesn’t help Dez’s social status.



Sherman brings Dez bad news: his father, Harley Grove, is getting ready to sell the house where Dez lives. His uncle, Bramwell Grove, is plotting to buy the house to put in condos. Sherman admits that his mother calls Bramwell a “slumlord.” Dez doesn’t know what her family will do if they lose their home: her father had a hard time finding a house to rent. Dez’s father is headed to a weekend convention but cleans the house and refinishes the floors before he leaves.

Friday night, Dez washes her hair. She quickly discovers that the twins have put polyurethane from the floor project into the shampoo bottle. Dez’s hair stiffens into a shell of clumps and spikes. Mrs. Farisee’s attempts to wash it out fail. Dez makes an appointment at a run-down beauty shop for the next morning, but things don’t go as planned. The twins decide to release the imprisoned ants from the ant farm their mother sent them. While softening honey under hot water—to feed the ants—Antony scalds his hand, then gets it stuck to the freezer, causing frostbite as well. Mrs. Farisee takes him to the doctor while Dez and Aida go to the hair salon. Mona and Lisa, the beauticians, unable to do anything with Dez’s shellacked hair, cut it down to a stiff half-inch of stubble. Aida brings the ants with her.

Sherman and Bramwell arrive to help Aida relocate the ants into a planter, which does not go smoothly. Shirley Miller, the girlfriend of Dez’s father, helps clean ants off Aida. Shirley is thirtyish, tall, thin, honest, and funny, and Dez likes her. Dez has wondered what it would be like if her dad married Shirley. But, Dez, worries, what if her mother decided she wanted to come back? Shirley gets Bramwell to give everyone a ride home, making him stop to pick up a stray dog on the way.



A wealthy young boy named Preston shows up at Dez’s house to visit Antony. Mrs. Farisee is too frazzled to take the family to the local Van Gogh exhibit, but Preston says his mother will be happy to chaperone. To her mortification, Dez discovers that Preston’s brother is Mike Harbinger. Dez soon realizes that Mike is a normal person who loves dogs and is embarrassed by his family.

Sherman’s parents have a fancy party to announce that his father is running for mayor. Sherman’s mother wants Dez to assist the caterer. Dez thinks if she helps, maybe Harley won’t sell their house. The party is a disaster. The toilets are backed up, the caterer quits, and the house is filled with smoke from the fireplace. Bramwell arrives bringing Mona and Lisa in their pink nylon beauty shop uniforms to act as maids. Shirley Miller comes as Bramwell’s date, which upsets Dez, who feels Shirley betrayed Dez’s father. Mike Harbinger appears and unexpectedly becomes fast friends with Sherman over their shared love of dogs and science. Dez mistakenly switches the dog food cans with the truffle cans and they serve the guests dog food canapes. Harley is furious, but Bramwell stands up for the kids.

Pat Troup, a female reporter, tells Dez that since Dez knows about the dog food mix-up, Harley will never sell their house because he won’t want the incident to go public. Dez’s father and Pat go out for pizza, and Dez realizes she can’t sit around waiting for her mother forever.



Dez dreads going to school Monday, but on the way, Mike Harbinger stops to greet Dez and ask Sherman a computer question. Sherman later tells Dez that Mike thought she was neat, and that her hair reminded Mike of Annie Lennox, a singer in the rock band Eurythmics. Dez is instantly popular for her daring haircut and for walking to school with Mike. Dez realizes that now “she could get away with anything short of double-knit polyester.”