Confessions of a Closet Catholic

Sarah Darer Littman’s novel Confessions of a Closet Catholic (2006) is aimed at middle-grade readers. Using a funny and irreverent tone, the novel explores the relationship between a tween girl and her religious beliefs, as the protagonist tries to figure out what Judaism means to her and how to find herself within the spectrum of Jewish observance and practice. Negotiating her family and trying to find her bearings in the midst of an unexpected bereavement, the main character finds the independence of mind and self-confidence to make her own way forward.

Our narrator is eleven-year-old Justine Silver, nicknamed Jussy. The previous summer, her family had moved from the very Jewish-feeling world of New Rochelle, New York, where her best friend was the deeply observant Shira Weinstein and where her family lived near a synagogue, to the much more heterogeneous Greenwich, Connecticut. Instead of simply fitting in with the prevailingly observant Judaism around her, now Jussy is forced to figure out exactly what her relationship is to her religion when her parents only take her to the synagogue a few times a year on the High Holidays.

Her first attempts backfire, as she tries and fails to convince her family that they should start keeping kosher like Bubbe, her paternal grandmother. Jussy is hurt that her family teases her about her sudden interest in religious practice. Even her maternal grandparents, Grandma Lila and Grandpa Leo don’t seem to take her questions about her heritage very seriously, saying that keeping kosher is outdated. To Jussy, it feels like yet one more slight on top of an already hard middle-child life. Jussy worries that she is neither tall nor thin like her older sister Helena, who seems to be her mother’s favorite child; nor is she fun and mischievous like her younger brother Jake, who has an easy time connecting with her father. Instead, she feels ignored by her parents, especially by her mom who seems overly focused on keeping a very clean house, on decorating it well, and on her little bichon, Bijoux.



Jussy’s new best friend at school is Mary Catherine McAllister, who goes by Mac. The more hurt Jussy feels by her family, the more she envies Mac’s large, warm, Catholic family. When Mac explains the concept of Lent to Jussy and tells her that she is going to be giving up chocolate during this year’s Lent, Jussy decides that she will also sacrifice something for Lent: her Judaism. Instead, she will become a secret Catholic.

To make this work, Jussy sets up for a Catholic service in her closet, where she keeps a cross and a rosary and some matza and grape juice for Communion. She even creates a confessional of sorts, complete with Father Ted, a repurposed teddy bear that Zedde, her late grandfather, (and Bubbe’s husband) had bought for her at F.A.O. Schwartz. She tells Father Ted all her secrets: how isolated she feels as the middle child and how big her crush is on Mac’s brother Tommy.

One day, Mac takes Jussy to Mass – and in a horrible coincidence, on that same day, Jussy’s beloved Bubbe suffers a disabling stroke. Jussy is wracked with guilt that her defection from Judaism is to blame – that God is punishing her. Bubbe briefly moves in with the Silvers, but soon dies. Jussy is devastated that the one person who always gave her unconditional love is now gone.



In the midst of their grieving, Jussy’s mom finds her secret Catholic closet and is incensed. How could Jussy do this when not only was Judaism deeply important to Bubbe, but she and Zedde were both Nazi concentration camp survivors? Jussy has no idea what to do or what to say. Privately, she considers whether other religious traditions might be more suitable to what she needs – should she investigate Islam or Buddhism?

Instead, she turns for help to a priest, Father Joseph. She pours her heart out to him, asking him how to reconnect with Judaism when God has punished her by killing Bubbe, confessing about her greed and gluttony for chocolate, telling him about how much she envies her older sister, and about her crush on Tommy McAllister. The kindly Father Joseph listens and then advises Jussy to seek out the help of his friend, Rabbi Freeman – not the family’s Rabbi, but one from a neighboring synagogue. Rabbi Freeman welcomes Jussy to his synagogue, and they have several meaningful conversations in which he tries to steer her away from the idea that God is some kind of heavenly vengeance machine, and instead is a nuanced guide and protector.

The novel ends just as Jussy’s spiritual journey is about to begin – she has joined an outreach group from Rabbi Freeman’s synagogue where she can continue exploring Jewish practice and belief until she figures out what is right for her.



At the same time, Jussy is disappointed to discover that Tommy has a girlfriend. But not to worry: her new outreach group friends introduce her to one of their cousin’s, a very cute boy who takes her aside and asks whether he can call her sometime.