Asking for It

Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do about It (2014), a gender studies book by Kate Harding, examines the problems of rape and sexual assault in our society, and what we can do to tackle these issues. Critics praise the book for being culturally relevant and for defining rape culture clearly and succinctly. Harding, studying for a PhD at Bath Spa University, actively contributes to numerous feminist and body-positive publications. She is the author of many nonfiction books, however, she is best known for Asking for It.

In Asking for It, Harding explores who rapists are. We cannot tackle the problem of sexual assault and sexual violence if we don’t understand that rape is a crime committed by the people around us, not hypothetical criminals. Too often, we imagine rapists as abstract monsters, when the reality is that they look just like the rest of us. It is hard to understand, Harding explains, how widespread and pervasive sexual assault is if we don’t have a clear grasp of who’s committing the crime.

Harding dispels the myths about who is responsible for rape. She reminds us that the only person ever to blame for sexual assault is the perpetrator. The victim can never be held responsible. There is no such thing as “asking for it.” Harding urges readers to move away from the toxic mindset of victim shaming and to accept that rape has no excuses.



Harding also raises questions about the lesser-discussed issue of bystander responsibility. She expresses concern that women are expected to supervise the women around them and to “rape-proof” the females that they care about. This is an unfair burden to place on anyone, particularly as it misdirects the blame. Harding worries that, as a society, we blame every possible circumstance before we blame the rapist.

Harding discusses the mentality of rape culture. Rape culture relies on the idea that women are somehow to blame for the actions of the men around them. This culture is why, Harding asserts, that for every one hundred rape allegations, only five result in convictions. Harding is not suggesting that accused individuals don’t have the right to a fair trial. Instead, she contends that the trial is already skewed in favor of the accused; this must change. It is often assumed that a woman is lying when she accuses someone of rape; this is a very difficult hurdle for anyone to overcome.

Harding breaks down common misconceptions around rape. She observes that men and women alike perpetuate these myths. Falsehoods include the idea that some women are asking to be raped or that they wanted the physical contact. Also included are the problems around assumed consent, the idea that men don’t always mean to rape people, and that rape isn’t a big deal. Harding wonders how we ever arrived at a place where violating someone’s physical integrity is treated so carelessly.



Harding doesn’t simply shift the blame to men or any other societal group. Instead, she says that rape culture is a problem affecting us all, and we must all do more to reverse it. She cites disturbing examples of rape culture in action around America—for example, the female judge who diminished the gang rape of a sex worker from rape to “theft of services,” and the judge who blamed the victim for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Society constantly looks for excuses—whether it is alcohol, flirtation, or suggestive clothing—to blame the victim.

Harding asks us to consider whether we treat any other crime the same way. We don’t imagine that a murder victim is somehow responsible for his or her own demise, for example. However, society retains this belief that men are incapable of committing rape. There is always someone to blame—other than the rapist.

Harding doesn’t just break down the problems of rape culture. She encourages readers to do something about it. Highlighting the possibilities offered by social media and the Internet, Harding urges us to speak out on this issue. We now have a means of hosting a meaningful, global public dialogue, and we should be teaching others how to do better.



Harding offers suggestions as to how we can tackle rape culture in our own social circles. For example, we should not be afraid to discuss problems with our friends and family, and we should call out problematic behavior. We should listen instead of passing judgment, and we must always remember that no one asks for rape. Most importantly, we must teach young people the meaning of consent and what constitutes problematic behavior. It is possible, for example, to rape a sexual partner or spouse, and yet many people don’t understand this. Until we tackle misconceptions around sexual behavior and physical integrity, Harding says, we won’t break rape culture.