And We Stay

Jenny Hubbard is one of the most popular young adult authors today, partly due to the success of her second novel, And We Stay (2014). Set in Amherst, Massachusetts in 1995, the novel uses both prose and poetry to flash back to the past traumas of the main protagonist, seventeen-year-old Emily Beam. Slightly suspenseful and intensely emotional, And We Stay explores several heavy-hitting topics that teens, unfortunately, have to deal with today, such as suicide, young pregnancy, and grief.

Emily just transferred to Amherst School for Girls, or ASG, in the middle of the year. The boarding school is already riddled with rumors about her arrival, especially since she is so quiet and seems to be avoiding the other girls at all costs. Emily is even distancing herself from her roommate, K.T., as she clearly grapples with some sort of emotional trauma.

The reader is as clueless about Emily’s situation as the other girls at ASG, but through bits of poetry, Emily reflects on what brought her to Amherst in the first place. She carries a notebook around everywhere and handwrites poems as they pop into her head. She writes about everything from her first love to her first loss, slowly coming to terms with what she’s experienced.



Back at her last high school, Emily had it all. She was a cheerleader, quiet but bound to be successful, happily in love with her jock boyfriend, Paul Wagoner. However, just days before her seventeenth birthday, she took a pregnancy test in a McDonald’s bathroom. It was positive; from that moment on, her life would never be the same.

Emily’s boyfriend, Paul, was beyond eager to start a family with her and even proposed that they get married. He was always a caretaker as he would often look after his younger sister, Carey, and Emily felt safe with him. She felt protected when she was with Paul, but after discussing her options with her parents, she decided that she wanted an abortion. Paul disagreed, and they broke up.

A few days later, Paul confronted Emily in the library while carrying a gun. The reader is never fully informed what his intention was—likely because Paul never had a plan himself. While trying to intimidate Emily into keeping their baby, he panicked and shot himself in front of her.



Emily was a wreck after losing Paul. On the way to get the abortion in Boston, she begged her aunt and mother to pull over because she couldn’t come to terms with losing all that she had left of him. Her mother gave her no option, however, and Emily went through with it.

After the abortion, Emily is sent to ASG for a fresh start away from her high school, the memories of Paul, and the loss of their baby. Here, her trauma is unmistakable: she smokes, skips class, doesn’t talk much, cries out in her sleep, and survives on coffee. She can’t go through with her promise to call Paul’s little sister, Carey, because it is too painful. She even calls the library the “lieberry” because saying the word makes her relive the memories of what happened in what was once her safe place back home.

By writing her poetry, she begins to accept what she has gone through. She writes one poem in particular about her abortion and hides it under her mattress, as it’s a secret she wants to keep from the girls at ASG. Her roommate, K.T., is worried about her but doesn’t press her about what brought her to Amherst. Instead, she offers to make up a story to tell the other girls so they stop spreading rumors about why Emily transferred in so suddenly.



Emily agrees, and K.T. makes up an elaborate excuse about her being an orphan whose parents died in an avalanche to calm down the gossip. This makes Emily trust her, especially since she doesn’t persist, giving her the space she needs. Another new friend, Amber, starts to gain her trust as well, but Emily still remains quiet about what happened.

Meanwhile, Emily begins to feel a greater connection to poet Emily Dickinson, who also attended ASG. Her house is down the street, and sometimes Emily likes to sit on the bench with a cigarette and write her own poetry there. One of her teachers, Madame Colche, recognizes Emily’s talent and lends her a biography of Emily Dickinson. She learns that the poet also had a best friend pass away when she was fifteen and feels even more drawn to her.

As she continues her own personal writing, Madame Colche tries to persuade Emily to enter her poetry into a competition, but she doesn’t feel ready to share her trauma with the world. She also questions if she’s even really a poet, lacking confidence in her work.



After some time at ASG, Emily begins to feel more comfortable with K.T. and decides to open up. When she shares her story, K.T. reveals that she also transferred there because a friend of hers committed suicide.

Meanwhile, Amber comes up with a plan to get Emily to go into Emily Dickinson’s room. She steals one of the dresses from the house and stuffs it into Emily’s drawer so that she’s forced to return it. When she does, she takes the time to reflect and feels that Emily Dickinson speaks to her while she’s there.

Annabelle, the main source for all ASG gossip, steals Emily’s most private poem about her abortion. She submits it to the contest without her permission, and although Emily is furious and embarrassed at first, she chooses not to withdraw the submission. This signifies a sense of closure for Emily, as well as a new chapter for her as her confidence in her own talent is growing.